


Overflowing

by lamuexte



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: After The Events of TAZ, Angst, Bonding, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: e051-057 The Suffering Game Parts 1-7, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lydia and Edward did a bad, Multi, Other, Self-Esteem Issues, Sibling Bonding, Siblings, Slice of Life, Swearing, Taako isn't good at letting walls down, The Suffering Game, Wonderland was wild for Taako
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-01-24 10:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18570001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamuexte/pseuds/lamuexte
Summary: It’s not like he wasn’t a vain person. Taako knew he looked good and definitely knew how to show himself off – if you look this good, you gotta strut your stuff, y’know?Having his exceptional good looks stripped from him hurt real bad.Taako didn’t admit it of course.





	1. Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me last night and it wouldn't leave me alone - I don't know if this has been done yet but I had to! I wasn't expecting my first TAZ contribution to be sad, but here we are! I really believe in the idea that Taako is emotionally damaged after the events of The Suffering Game - looks may not seem like a big deal to some people, but knocking down someone's self esteem hurts. I really related to Taako and when he took down his illusion near the end of S1.
> 
> tw: anxiety!! warning for a minor anxiety/panic attack near the end of the chapter!
> 
> (next chapter is Lup's POV!)

Taako began to lie to himself a lot after the Hunger was defeated.

It wasn’t on purpose of course; it kind of just happened subconsciously, yet over time he became aware of how much he did it.

He lied to himself whenever he accepted Kravitz’s compliments with a smile and a kiss. He lied to himself whenever he woke up in the morning, staring at his bedhead and tired frame in the mirror before casting illusion on himself.

While his life had definitely turned around – a magic school in the works, cooking dinners for the people he loved every time they could gather together, spending lots of lost time with Lup – he could _feel_ how much he had changed since the tragedy with Phandalin.

Wonderland fucked him over.

All of the relics left an impact on him of course, as they did on everyone else, but Wonderland truly managed to get to him.

He assumed refusing the deal from the cup during their mission in Refuge was the worst he had to worry about, but then those fucking twins had to squash that thought.

It’s not like he _wasn’t_ a vain person. Taako knew he looked good and definitely knew how to show himself off – if you look this good, you gotta strut your stuff, y’know?

Having his exceptional good looks stripped from him hurt real bad.

Taako didn’t admit it of course.

Even when Magnus rushed to his side, willing to take the penalty for him, he wanted to prove that his looks quote-on-quote _“didn’t reflect who he was on the inside”_ or whatever heroic bullshit people like to hear. So he gave it up.

And he became normal.

Casting an illusion on himself was supposed to be a joke, a huge middle finger to Lydia and Edward to show he was still strong, but it wasn’t until he saw Kravitz again that he realized he _still had the illusion cast_.

Of course, he dropped it for Kravitz – that took more confidence than he thought it would – but he couldn’t keep it away forever.

Taako managed to convince Kravitz he just liked to look nice while going out, and would drop it whenever they were alone together to prove what he was saying so there would be no suspicion. He didn’t feel like he looked like any of the compliments Kravitz passed his way, and casting the illusion on himself every morning gave him such a relief that he would hold his breath until he looked like how he used to.

He’d never accept that he looked the way he did.

So basically, he was lying to himself.

Now Taako didn’t want to brag or anything, but he had become very skilled at pushing that nauseous feeling down deep in his stomach. The feeling that came with ignoring the fact that he was pretending to be someone that was lost back in Wonderland.

He didn’t know how long he could keep this up, but he assumed he could last another couple hundred years. At that point, he’d be expected to look older and maybe less in his prime, and he could drop the disguise.

But he didn’t last a couple hundred years. He didn’t even last fifty.

A year and a half after the Hunger was defeated, the lies overflowed.

Taako broke.

 

  
-

 

  
_“So you have this dinner date with Kravitz and you didn’t even think to invite us? Rude ~ ”_

Taako rolled his eyes, though he knew Lup couldn’t see him on the other side of the stone of farspeech. He reached down and picked up a handful of boysenberries, popping one into his mouth and inspecting them before grabbing a small canvas bag off the stand.

“Dates usually aren’t family gatherings Lulu,” he snorted, tossing the stand owner some gold pieces before filling the small canvas bag with boysenberries. “He told me the bounties have been really tough lately, so I thought I’d dose up some good ol’ Taako cooking!”

Lup laughed, sounding tinny in the stone. _“One, stop calling me Lulu or I’m gonna start calling you Taakito again - ”_

Taako grimaced and dropped the boysenberry bag into his satchel, walking to a stall with vegetables.

 _“- two, double dates exist. Don’t forget we’re reapers too Taako. We’d like a break that involves eating some fucking amazing food._ ” He couldn’t really argue with that. Plus, Kravitz would probably understand if Barry and Lup showed up as well.

“Ugh, fine,” he groaned, not really that annoyed with the idea. “But you gotta dress decent. No cloaks and scythes at my dinner table, or you’re foodless.”

He heard his sister dramatically gasp, and could just picture her hand laid daintily on her forehead. _“I’m hurt! Betrayed by my own brother!”_

Taako threw an onion and some garlic in his bag, pausing as Lup stopped talking. A few seconds passed, then they were laughing, and Taako paid for the last of the ingredients he needed.

_“Aw man, haha! You got it bro. Barry’ll dress in his best blue jeans, I promise.”_

She giggled again. Taako smiled.

He headed out from the market to start the small trek home. “Well I’d love to stay and chat _Lulu_ , but the food ain’t gonna cook itself. Cha’boy has a lot to do! See you tonight - ”

He quickly ended the connection before Lup could yell at him for the nickname again, and laughed to himself as the stone lit up a few more times before she gave up.

On their first-year anniversary, Kravitz helped Taako find a home planetside. It wasn’t like the moon base wasn’t great to live on, but Taako knew he wanted to try and start a life down there again. While Taako had tons of money from well, saving the whole world a couple times, and his amazing-as-fuck school, a big place was too lonely for him.

He settled for a nice cottage set-up on the outskirts of a small forest, just a half mile or so away from the nearest town on foot. There were a bunch of other cottages around the area that weren’t too bad to walk to, and the neighbors were pretty chill.

The kitchen was terrible when he first bought the place, but Magnus was willing to help him remodel everything he wanted done as a housewarming gift.

Magnus came over a lot more than Merle and Angus did – Taako assumed he was a little lonely, but he couldn’t blame him for that – and they quickly grew a lot closer as friends.

Every now and then Taako would dog-sit for Magnus when he wanted to travel. Taako couldn’t say no to him – all three of their party had adventure withdrawals every now and then.

Sometimes he missed the old days, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t happy. Living in this cottage felt like home, and he was free to walk around the towns nearby without living in fear of what happened in Glamour Springs.

Merle called Taako on his stone of farspeech every couple of days to catch up.

Lup and Barry visited at least once every week.

Kravitz used to visit only a couple times every month, but now he practically lived in this little home with Taako every second he wasn’t working.

Life was pretty decent.

Recently though, Kravitz had been gone for days at a time, usually coming home from his latest bounties to collapse in bed and pass out. This date night was long overdue, and Taako was hoping this little dry spell wouldn’t last too long.

After unlocking the door and stepping over the funny little welcome mat Angus made him for Candlenights last year _(Once you enter you may never return to the mortal realm)_ into the cottage, Taako dropped his bags off in the kitchen and hurriedly looked around the house to make sure no one was lurking around.

His sister liked to surprise him by just being in the house whenever he returned, and sometimes Angus would be waiting for him with a nice unexpected visit. Luckily, no one was waiting for him this time.

“Okay Taako, let’s work that magic,” he hummed to himself, using Mage Hand to turn on some soft music from the weird music box Lucretia gave him for his birthday. He pulled out some pots and pans with the same spell as he tied his hair back, rolled up his sleeves, and tied an apron around his waist. He began to cook.

It was like breathing for him.

After learning the incident in Glamour Springs had nothing to do with him, Taako began to dabble in cooking again. Now, he did it regularly. And _fuck_ he missed it.

The dishes were simple, but he knew they’d be delicious anyway. Kravitz tended to like comfort food a lot more than gourmet, and this dinner was originally for him.

Taako hummed along with the music as he chopped the onions and garlic, Mage Hand pulling out some pasta and dumping it into a pot of lightly salted water.

He heated up the pot and let his magic stir as he rolled out some dough for dessert. The boysenberries sat in a bowl on the counter, having been mixed with some sugar and lemon juice.

Tonight was going to be a good night.

He almost didn’t notice the knock on his door an hour later, the pasta dish sitting finished as the boysenberry pastries cooked. “Coming!” He quickly shut the music off and made sure there was no flour on his face before going to open the door.

Lup stood there beaming, wearing a nice red dress with Barry at her side. She wasn’t kidding – he was wearing his nicest blue jeans. They even looked new. “Sup dork,” she smirked, taking a step into the doorway.

A couple months ago, the Raven Queen gave both Barry and Lup permission to use their corporeal forms, and once created, they never seemed to want to leave them.

It was nice to see his sister the way he remembered her.

“Hey sis,” Taako grinned, giving her a hug and turning to pat Barry heartily on the back. “Dessert’s still cookin’, but you guys can get settled.”

He hurried back to the kitchen, letting Lup close the door behind her as she wandered to the table. “What’d you make?,” she asked, taking a seat. “It smells fucking _amazing._ ”

Taako smiled back at them, grabbing the pasta dish and moving to set it down on the table. “Caramelized onion and garlic pasta with roasted cherry tomatoes,” he announced. “And then there’s fresh bread from this bakery in town, some wine, and homemade boysenberry pastries.”

Barry groaned happily at the thought, grabbing the bottle of red wine that was already on the table and pouring himself a glass. “Damn Taako, you never fail to impress.”

“That’s what he always aims to do,” Lup teased, pouring herself a glass of white wine instead. “Taako has to be the center of attention all the time, especially at dinner.”

Taako’s smile faltered a little, but he whipped around to pull out the pastries before they could see. “Yeah, that’s me.” He chuckled a little half-heartedly, shaking his head a bit before setting the pastries down to cool off.

He and Lup joked all the time, this was no different.

Lup chatted with Barry as Taako excused himself to get dressed into something other than his flour-covered apron.

Putting on a nice pair of plum-colored pants and a pale blue blouse with ruffles, he examined himself in the mirror. “I still got it,” he whispered, his eyes lingering on his face for a second too long. He renewed the illusion spell just to be careful. As he sat down in front of the mirror to braid his hair, he heard the front door open and a deep voice speak from the hallway, and smiled.

“Hi guys,” Kravitz said, walking up to the table as Lup and Barry chirping their greetings back to him. “Where’s Taako?”

“Probably dolling himself up,” Lup laughed. “He tries really hard to look as good as possible, especially for dinner dates, you know that ~ ”

He paused. That was a compliment, right?

Lup proceeded to mention where he was, and Taako continued to deftly braid his hair as he heard the footsteps approach their bedroom. The door was gently pushed open, and he smiled back at Kravitz in the mirror as he walked up behind him.

“Hello my darling,” Kravitz murmured, leaning over to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, a cold hand resting gently on his back. “I hope I wasn’t too late.”

Taako leaned back into the touch, sighing. “You weren’t late babe,” he said, huffing out a laugh as he tilted his head back to look up at his boyfriend. “The pastries just finished, so I was making myself presentable for you.”

Kravitz smiled down at him as though he was looking at the entirety of the universe, and Taako blinked.

“You always look presentable,” his boyfriend chuckled, leaning down to give him a kiss on the lips instead. Taako reached up to place his hand on Kravitz’s cheek, savoring it for a moment before pulling away.

He took a second look at himself in the mirror, pulling his braid over his shoulder and tying it off. “I didn’t make anything too fancy tonight,” he said, getting to his feet and turning to face Kravitz. “I also bought the red wine you like, but Barry seems dead set on finishing it.”

They both shared a laugh before Kravitz extended his arm, letting Taako wrap his own arm around it with a smile. “Well we better get back before he drinks it all then. Shall we?”

Stepping out into the hallway, Taako explained what he cooked as they walked, delighted in how his boyfriend’s eyes lit up.

Getting Kravitz back into food was… difficult at first. He hadn’t eaten for a long time, considering he never really had to. Being Taako’s boyfriend left him at an impasse however, so eating quickly became a part of his life again.

Plus, Taako also complained that it was better to cook for people other than himself, and Kravitz couldn’t say no to that.

“Geez you guys, we were beginning to think you ditched us to go make out or something - ” Lup was hunched over the pasta dish, hands inches away from opening it and grabbing the large wooden serving fork.

Taako rolled his eyes, unwinding his arm from Kravitz’s and taking a seat at the table. “I’m not that low bubelah; just gotta make sure ol’ Taako looks good when he presents his creations!”

Barry got a laugh out of that one, leaning forward to hand the red wine bottle over to Kravitz. “I’m not sure,” Lup teased, swirling her glass around in her hand. “You’re a sly guy, and you got a very handsome catch over here that might agree with me when I say you’d make out with him in a heartbeat.”

She winked at Kravitz, who was looking quite flustered as he set the wine bottle down a little too fast on the table. Taako’s nose scrunched up at the comment, but he shrugged it off. “I know he’s the handsome one,” he replied, keeping his voice steady. “That’s something _everyone_ knows Lulu.”

“You little _shit -_ ”

Stop.

He stuck his tongue out at her, pulling the top off the pasta dish with a flourish. “Bon appetit!”

Lup grinned, immediately digging the serving fork into the pasta and sliding a big scoop onto her plate. “Fuck, this smells so good,” she sighed, holding the plate up to her face and taking a deep breath.

Barry hummed in agreement, waiting as Kravitz took the serving fork and put a healthy amount of pasta on his plate.

Once they had all begun eating, the talk of reaper work went around the table, Taako actually opting to eat and listen rather than talk.

Taking a hunk of bread into his mouth, his eyes kept flitting up to stare at Lup. He had seen her corporeal form several times already, and every time he couldn’t stop his eyes from looking at every damn part of her.

Lup’s skin was soft. Her lips were full and a nice color, clearly natural as she wasn’t usually one for makeup. Her hair looked like it hadn’t had a single bad day or a single split end, and her eyes were bright with life. There were no dark circles under her eyes.

Maybe she had an illusion on too.

She looked exactly the same as they both did the day before they left on the Starblaster.

He highly doubted it though. Lup was definitely a beautiful woman, and she was practically just as vain as he used to be. Being elves had its perks, that’s for sure.

“See something you like bub?” Lup’s voice was unexpected, and Taako snapped out of his stupor with a jolt. His ears turned pink with embarrassment, and he grabbed his glass of wine to take a deep drink.

He didn’t want to admit that he was _jealous_ of his sister’s looks but, well…

Taking his glass away from his face, he shrugged. “You just look really good for someone that was practically dead for a while.” Barry smiled at that, looking at Lup as though to say _‘she really does’._ “Well duh,” Lup smirked, flipping her hair a bit with her hand. “I’m the good-looking twin of course.” Everyone at the table got a laugh out of that. Taako’s was more of a wheeze.

In the past year and a half, Taako and Lup had a lot of catching up to do. That included all their banter from the good old days, the pokes and prods, and the teasing. All their running jokes were funny at some point of course, but now, if Taako really let it, they stung.

It started when they went shopping together to get Lup some new clothes besides her famous red robe. She joked about how the dress wouldn’t look good on Taako, because they both knew dresses were her thing.

A century ago he would’ve lost his shit, laughing so hard he’d cry.

Now he wasn’t entirely sure.

Kravitz knew Taako was sensitive about his looks, but never really connected the dots when it came to Lup’s teasing. That was okay, because Taako loved the dork, and his high walls made it impossible to see his emotions fully to begin with.

“Of course,” he said, voice wobbly as he turned back to his pasta.

Lup didn’t need to see him weak. She never knew him like that, so she never would.

“I think Taako picked this dress out for Lup a while ago actually,” Barry spoke up. Now that he mentioned it, Taako recognized the dress from a store he came across while traveling the other month. “Said it was a gift or something?”

Speaking of the dress joke, here it came.

Taako nodded. “Of course! I tried it on, but it wasn’t really my style.” Even though the red robes were a big portion of his life, red never really was his color.

His boyfriend looked amazing in red, and so did Lup. He’d leave it to them. “Taako knows I look better in dresses than he does,” Lup said, elbowing Barry in the side. “I got those sweet curves, right babe?”

Barry leaned over to give her a kiss, making her giggle and softly kiss him back. Taako gagged internally. He looked down at his hands, and saw that they were trembling again. He felt a waver in his magic, which was bizarre considering how powerful he was by this point.

Kravitz seemed to notice, his eyebrows furrowing a bit as he reached under the table to lay his hand on Taako’s thigh. Taako met his eyes, seeing the worry, but he waved him off and got to his feet. “Dessert time!,” he announced, getting to his feet and stepping around the table. “Hope you guys aren’t too full. Chef Taako knows his food is too good to stop eating!”

Walking into the kitchen, he took a second to steady his hands, clutching the edge of the countertop in a way that they couldn’t see.

People liked Taako Taaco with the happy smile, the bright skin, the beautiful eyes – not the Taako Taaco that looked like he was dying.

That’s what he felt like he looked like. Which was ironic, considering Kravitz was hot as fuck and actually dead.

“You sure like to tease each other, don’t you?,” Barry piped up, looking over at Taako. “I remember how you guys used to do that all the time. It really brought the whole brother sister thing to life on that ship.”

Lup practically snorted out loud, slapping her hand on the table. “God I nearly forgot about how much we were assholes to each other. You never had siblings babe – that must’ve been crazy to watch.” Taako ignored her, moving to pick up the dish of pastries. “What was it we used to say all the time Taako?”

He didn’t really want to do this right now. “I don’t really remember Lulu,” he sighed, turning to face them and putting on a playful pout.

“That’s one of them!,” she practically screeched, pointing at him threateningly. “He _always_ calls me Lulu even though I hate that name! I had to keep stopping myself from strangling him every time - ”

Taako stared at her, holding the plate of pastries close to his body.

“But really though,” Lup laughed, continuing. “We were so nasty, I’m not that surprised other people thought we hated each other’s guts. He’d say my outfit sucked, and I’d tell him it’d look worse on him. Then he’d come back and say something super witty and I’d just lose my shit.”

For some reason he couldn’t move his feet.

Kravitz looked uneasy, eyes flickering between Lup and Taako as though he didn’t know whether he should say something or not.

“Here’s an example Barry.” She leaned back in her chair, picking at the lace at the collar of her dress. “I would say _‘wow this dress looks so good on me!’_ and Taako would come back with _‘that’s a lie, that dress is hideous on you’_ or something.”

He felt his breath quicken. He’d been doing so well today, Kravitz hadn’t had to calm him down for a good couple of weeks –

“Then I’d come back with - ” Lup got to her feet, striking a pose with her hands on her hips. _“But you’re the ugly twin!'_ And Taako of course had great comebacks all the time, what would you say to me this ti -”

The plate of pastries slipped out of his hands, shattering on the floor and sending the pastries flying. Barry jumped in his seat as Lup took a surprised step backwards, words dying in her throat. Taako could feel the illusion spell flickering as he lost control of it, tears blurring his vision as they began to pool in his eyes.

“Taako - ” Kravitz got to his feet, quickly making his way around the table with his arms cautiously outstretched. Taako didn’t even realize he was shaking violently, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

Taking a wounded step back, he shook his head. Kravitz immediately stopped in place, his hands just inches away from him. “No,” he croaked, feeling the tears begin to roll down his face.

He looked over at Lup. She looked mortified. It didn’t even matter that his vision was blurred; he could tell she knew this wasn’t the brother she used to know. Barry didn’t seem to know how to respond, just staring at him in disbelief. There were too many eyes.

“I can’t,” Taako managed to rasp out, before pushing past Kravitz and throwing his front door open to leave. There was a small pain in his foot – glass? – he didn’t know. He didn’t care. The chilly air greeted him as he rushed barefoot out onto the path, Lup calling out his name before the door slammed shut.

He just ran.

Now no longer in the eyes of his family, he let the sobs wrack his body as he ran off the path and into the grass, heading to the dark tree line that was the beginning of the forest.

Taako knew he was the ugly twin. The Wonderland twins made sure of that.

He knew he would never look as resplendent as his sister did, never again. She looked phantasmal when she burst from the Umbra Staff, even though she wasn’t even in her actual body then. Taako used to be vain enough to say he looked even more stunning than phantasmal, but now he couldn’t say a single good thing about himself without lying.

 _Fuck_ was he tired of lying.

Lup’s voice carried on the breeze, calling out his name frantically as he disappeared into the trees. He just wanted to be alone right now; didn’t she get that?

Panting, Taako wove around a couple large trees before slowing to a stop. He swayed in place for a second before sinking down to the ground, his knees feeling wet as the moist soil seeped through his pants. “Shit,” he gasped, wiping at his face as though that would stop the tears from coming.

It was like a dam broke. It was so rare that he cried like this – once when all his memories from his past returned to him in a flood. Once when Angus dedicated a speech at his school to him. Once when he was drunk off his ass and Kravitz kissed him into the sheets, whispering praises and how much he adored every inch of him over and over and over.

Catching his breath, Taako hiccuped a couple times before falling back to sit on the ground rather than stay on his knees. He scuffled backwards until his back hit a tree, knowing his pants were probably trashed by this point. The stone of farspeech hung around his neck lit up with several different colors. He knew red was for Kravitz, orange for Lup, blue for Magnus. Kravitz probably called Magnus to ask if Taako had called him.

“Stop,” he whispered to the empty expanse of forest before him. The tears were now slowly sliding down his face, glinting off the moonlight filtering through the trees.

Taako gently took a hold of the stone around his neck, pressing his thumb down so that the incoming calls would disappear. He took a shaky breath, pressing it again and praying the person on the other side would pick up.

A minute passed. Then two.

Fuck –

 _“Hello Taako sir!”_ He exhaled a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, tears welling up in his eyes again as the voice he had waited for came crackling through the stone.

He took a moment before speaking, knowing fully well that his voice was trembling. “Hey Agnes,” he murmured, holding the stone close to his lips. “What’s shakin’?”

 _“I feel like I should be the one to ask you that sir,”_ Angus replied, the sound of papers rustling on the other side. _“Are you alright? You sound out of breath.”_

Taako chuckled a bit. Nothing could get past this kid.

“Not really bucko, Taako is a bit out of commission at the moment,” he admitted. The stone simply went silent for a second, before there was some rustling and soft footsteps. He assumed Angus was moving somewhere, which made sense if he was just doing homework.

He loved the kid.

He never admitted it outright, but every one of his friends knew he had a soft spot for the boy genius. Angus once called him dad, which was super awkward considering Magnus was the most dad-like figure out of all of them, but Taako never really corrected him.

A soft huff came over the line, and then the stone crackled to life again. _“Do you want to talk about it… Taako?”_ Taako managed a wobbly smile, wiping the tears off his face and huffing out a breath. It took so long to get Angus to stop calling him ‘sir’ – it was still weird.

“Not really Angus,” he said, returning the favor by not calling him some silly nickname. Angus inhaled sharply, knowing something was off. But thankfully, he didn’t press. “I just want to hear about how your day is going. Anything interesting happen at school?”

Taako could practically feel Angus smiling.

 _“Oh yes! There’s a school dance coming up in the next couple of weeks, and I signed up to help with the committee! You told me I should do more things out of my comfort zone, and I only know about the parties you and the others throw, so I figured I’d give it a shot myself.”_ This kid was a blessing. A literal blessing.

“Why don’t you tell me all about it then?” Taako drew his knees up to his chest, resting his chin on them and sighing. Lup’s voice still seemed to echo on the wind, but he tuned it out, listening as Angus excitedly began to monologue about his dance contributions.

At least he wasn’t crying anymore.


	2. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lup thinks about everything she missed, and figures out what's wrong with Taako.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I got such a good response to this fic so far and I was so so happy! My original thought process was how Taako would feel about the effects of Wonderland, but then wanted to show Lup's side to this whole dilemma as well. Enjoy!!

Time had become something really complicated for Lup to understand once she became trapped in her Umbra Staff.

Everything around her was a soft, velveteen black. She couldn’t hear anything for the longest time, and her eyesight was clouded with white spots whenever she tried to open her eyes.

She tried to count the days in her head, half expecting the Hunger to return and claim this world just like the others.

When her hearing returned, she nearly thought the Hunger _had_ claimed this world. Everything was so quiet outside, even when she used every ounce of energy she had to search the world outside her staff for any noise at all. Her sight slowly returned, then the feeling in her fingertips, followed by the cloudiness in her head fading away, and then there were no more senses missing.

But Lup couldn’t figure out what fucking day it was anymore.

It took a while to accept the fact that Taako and the others were probably… gone. They were either dead or they had stopped looking for her, and she didn’t know with one hurt worse.

Time muddled together, and she stopped caring.

It had felt like another century had passed by the time footsteps echoed throughout the cave.

Lup’s mind was in a constant haze at this point, her eyes staring blankly at the fabric that draped itself all around her. She had stopped trying to listen for people outside, and while she subconsciously did it at times, she was usually met with dripping water and nothing else. The footsteps were unexpected, so she had perked her ears up to hear, preparing for some goblins or other creatures to step into the clearing. The voices were muffled, but she frowned as she realized they spoke Common.

“Ooh _dibs!”_

A century’s worth of memories flashed through Lup’s mind. She knew that voice.

“What’d you find?,” came a second voice, sounding farther off. Lup got to her feet, eyes wide. She knew that voice too.

“Eh, just some corpse in a red robe or something…” the first voice replied, sounding disappointed. _What?_ “But hey dwarf, this cane might be worth you checking out!”

It sounded like Taako and Merle. But at the same time, it sounded like she was listening to complete strangers. That part was true, she found. They didn’t remember her, or seemingly each other for that matter. What the _fuck_ had happened to them?

Lup did everything she could to get Taako to know she was there. Picking up the Umbra Staff was good enough for her, and she couldn’t help but pray that he’d keep it rather than sell it for some shitty gold.

That was the first time Lup realized her understanding of time had been screwed up.

Every adventure that her friends went on, every time she heard a small snippet of Lucretia’s voice, and _oh Davenport –_ so much had changed. She could barely manage to see outside the confines of the Umbra Staff without passing out, so she stored her energy to find a way to break out instead.

With the Hunger’s end came the end of her imprisonment.

Lup knew that if she hadn’t been in her lich form, she would have been weeping in her family’s arms the second she saw them.

They all defeated the Hunger for once and for all, and for the first time since her death, Lup began to think about time again. Barry guided her back into this world, staying by her side as she became herself once more. She caught up with the Starblaster family she had missed so dearly, repairing her relationship with Lucretia and learning about what everyone had been up to in the time she had been gone.

Magnus had a wife at one point. Merle had _kids._ Lucretia was suddenly twenty years older than Lup remembered her to be, and Davenport didn’t seem to know what to do with his life for once. And Taako…

Taako looked tired. He still looked as beautiful as he did a century ago, though his hair was much longer and his eyes weren’t as bright as they used to be. Not to mention, he was dating the fucking _Grim Reaper_ , which was quite the tale to hear about.

Lup had lost so much time, and she was determined to get it all back.

The teasing started up again with her brother, and she focused on getting back on her feet by getting a job with the Raven Queen. Barry took her on so many dates that she could barely keep track of them, but she found herself falling in love with him again even harder than she did the first time.

It was bizarre at first to get used to Taako’s changes. None of them were that major – he had a soft spot for kids now when he used to hate them, he was tougher than he was when they first joined the IPRE – little things like that.

While she had heard bits and pieces about the events of Wonderland, Lup never had the passing thought that Taako hated his looks.

She knew the Taako that could wake up, roll out of bed and look perfect without trying. Their Elven genetics definitely helped on that front, as they both knew they were beautiful. An illusion spell was never needed for them, and they bragged about their looks whenever they could when they were together back in the day.

Lup didn’t know Taako was using an illusion spell. She should’ve known. She was a wizard too; it shouldn’t have been hard. But she simply assumed it was Taako’s natural magical charm, and that she had forgotten the feeling of being around him.

Time was something Lup still didn’t quite understand. Time changes things, like how a flowing river is never the same with each passing second. Time changed Taako, but Lup never understood what changed about him.

Taako began to lie to himself.

She hated that she hadn’t seen that sooner.

 

 

-

 

 

“Do you mind telling me what the _fuck_ is going on?,” Lup shouted, turning back to face Kravitz.

He stood in the doorway, clutching his stone of farspeech close to his chest as he looked out into the forest. His composure was wavering, his face growing gaunt as his skin began to shrink into his skull. It had been going so well.

Kravitz sighed, taking a moment to remember himself and letting his face go back to normal. “Taako probably needs some alone time right now.” He said the words slowly, as though trying to tell himself along with Lup and Barry.

“Alone time?,” Lup hissed, eyes frantic as they met Kravitz’s. “ _Alone time?_ My – my brother just had a, what, panic attack? And you’re telling me he needs some _alone time?_ ”

Barry stepped up behind Kravitz, who moved out of the way for them to both stand in the doorway. “Sweetheart, maybe Kravitz will explain it to us if we just take a second to calm down.” He looked over at his fellow reaper hopefully, relief flickering across his face as he got a nod in return.

Lup didn’t know how to feel. Everything about this felt wrong – Taako looked at her with so much pain and terror. That wasn’t Taako.

Taking a moment to run her hand through her hair shakily, Lup let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. “Fine,” she breathed, slowly stepping back up onto the entrance step. “But you better tell me everything Kravitz.”

The grim look on his face as he nodded made her feel cold, and Barry ushered her inside before the door was closed behind her.

Kravitz made his way over to the kitchen, careful to not let the glass crunch under his shoes. He grabbed a small brush and a dustpan from a cabinet under the pantry, and bent down to begin sweeping up the glass and remnants of Taako’s pastries. They were still warm.

“Taako…” Where would he start? “Lup, do you know about Wonderland?”

Lup took a moment to think, barely noticing how Barry froze beside her. “It’s kind of blurry, but I know it was run by this pair of liches,” she said, leaning back against the wall. “I could sense that Taako was hurt real bad, and I beat the shit out of one of ‘em.”

“You’re saying that this panic attack was because of what happened in Wonderland?,” Barry blurted, fists clenched by his side. Lup frowned, reaching for one of his hands and taking it gently in hers. “I know that him, Magnus and Merle had a bunch of punishments they had to go through with, but I didn’t think they were that bad.”

Kravitz stood to dump the glass he had swept up into a bucket on the other side of the island counter, then set the dustpan down and blinked. “Yes. It was because of Wonderland.”

While Taako had taken down the veil after being reunited with him, Kravitz knew the effects of Wonderland were going to stick with both him and his friends for a long time. Out of all the reclaiming missions, Wonderland had to be the most taxing and dangerous.

“Edward and Lydia were going to start by taking away some years of his life,” he sighed. “But because he’s an elf, they figured that was too lenient of a punishment. So they took away his good looks instead – I mean I still think he looks good, but it took a bigger toll on him than he probably thought it was going to.”

Lup felt her ears burn in shame. She didn’t know the teasing jabs actually meant something to him now.

Kravitz frankly looked a bit uncomfortable at this point, as though he was spilling a dirty secret behind his boyfriend’s back. “When we uh… kissed for the first time, that’s when I learned what had happened in Wonderland. Taako said he wanted me to see the real him and took down this illusion spell that I didn’t know he had on. He looked really ashamed, like I wouldn’t still have feelings for him because he looked normal.”

He went on the explain how he had to make a deal with Taako to not use the disguise when they were alone together, how some nights he dedicated his time to making Taako understand he was still beautiful. Kravitz genuinely looked melancholy as he spoke, as though he’d rather forget about those nights.

Lup felt more and more lost with each story.

The first time they spent the night together, it took Kravitz twenty minutes to convince him to take down the illusion, and that’s when they both realized this was a problem they had to deal with. Kravitz had refused going forward with the night, instead putting on some soft piano music and reading as Taako fell asleep while cradled against him.

At Carey and Killian’s wedding, Taako looked absolutely breathtaking, his illusion and added makeup making him look nearly ethereal while draped over Kravitz’s arm. But he still thought it wasn’t enough, and Kravitz pulled him aside at the reception to kiss the dark red lipstick off his lips until he understood how good he looked.

Merle and Magnus had even begun to notice it whenever they hung out with Taako on their free days, and eventually asked Kravitz about it out of worry.

Lup didn’t understand.

“That doesn’t sound like him,” she urged, struggling to keep the composure in her voice. “The old Taako _knew_ how badass he looked, nothing anyone said would make him feel bad - ”

“Taako today is different than old Taako though.”

She jolted as Barry interrupted her, turning to see the sympathy in his eyes. “I remember how Taako used to be too, but things change over time Lup. He’s different now. So is everyone else – Mags, Merle, Lucretia, Cap’nport – they aren’t the same as when we first got on the Starblaster either.”

Lup knew that. She knew that they all weren’t the same, but _Taako?_

Old Taako was cocky, snide and charismatic. He knew he could look good in an old canvas sack if he tried. Old Taako joked around with his friends, teased his sister, and did whatever he wanted no matter the repercussions.

The Taako now had insecurity. He had a tighter set smile and his fingers were calloused. He thought before he did some things, and knew that people had boundaries. Taako still acted snide and cocky and bright, but he had grown a thick skin and a mind plagued with doubts. He still joked around and didn’t take everything seriously, but he became cautious.

Shit.

She had missed so much time.

“What does he look like now?” The question was quiet, as though she didn’t really want to know.

Kravitz smiled at the caring notion, and took a second to think. “Well he still looks like Taako,” he started, chuckling a bit to himself. “His hair doesn’t really… what’s the word, glow? Yeah. His hair doesn’t glow as much as it did when I first met him, and he can never seem to get rid of this stubborn bedhead curl in front of his left ear.”

Lup’s lips couldn’t help but quirk up a bit at that. “What else?”

In Kravitz’s eyes, she knew Taako was probably otherworldly. She’d seen how they looked at each other at parties and family gatherings. In this moment however, Kravitz probably knew she wanted the complete truth, and not some washed out answer.

“He has these permanent dark circles under his eyes. He actually started sleeping more than meditating to see if that would help get rid of them, and he wasn’t entirely wrong.” That was a start. “His eyes are kind of dull, and there are some wrinkles on the corner of them from whenever he smiles. He has some sunspots, and his lips are kind of pale and a bit chapped.”

Kravitz shrugged, running out of things to say. “Taako just looks like how a human would look without any cosmetics on, which is fine to me. He’s still pretty, just not to the Elven standards.”

It took a moment for Lup to picture, but once she did, it didn’t seem abnormal to her. She hated the dark feeling curling in her gut when she thought of what it must be like to have that disappear from him in a second and not know what to do with it.

Pulling out her stone of farspeech, she tried to call him again. The stone immediately buzzed in her palm, letting her know he was unavailable. “Darn,” she whispered, tucking it back into the top of her dress. “Busy.”

A moment of silence passed. Barry’s free hand fiddled with the collar of his shirt, and Kravitz checked to make sure there was no more glass on the floor.

“Do you know where he might be?,” Lup asked, breaking the silence and causing Kravitz to look out the window.

He probably knew Taako better than she did at this point.

“One of the reasons he liked this cottage was because it was next to the forest.” Kravitz jerked his thumb back towards the window, looking back at her and Barry. “It reminds him of how he, Merle and Magnus would go on adventures. He likes to go on walks.”

That was the only answer Lup needed.

She quickly pressed a kiss to Barry’s cheek, letting go of his hand and walking over to the door. “I’m going to go find him,” she said, opening the door and pausing in the doorway. “That dork won’t come back unless I drag him myself.” Kravitz stared at her in surprise before laughing.

“That sounds like something he’d say about _you,_ ” he snickered, making his way back out of the kitchen. “Barry and I will stay here and chat. Can’t let a perfectly good bottle of red go to waste.”

Lup was already out the door before he finished his sentence, letting it close as Barry excitedly agreed with Kravitz at the notion of drinking more wine. Taako couldn’t have gone too far into the forest with bare feet – even now he wouldn’t want to get himself that dirty. But then again, what did Lup know?

She walked as far as the path would take her, taking off the small heels she wore and leaving them next to the path’s end before stepping into the grass. The trees were towering up close, but there was a homey feeling about this forest. She could see why Taako would like it here.

Since she didn’t really know where in the forest Taako would have gone, Lup decided to just keep going straight and scan her surroundings. Any little noises caused her ears to perk up, and she used her night vision to peek around as many trees as she could.

It was very dark out, but the moons and stars above shone through the trees. It was rather beautiful, and Lup forgot herself for a moment before she heard a laugh coming from her left.

“Taako?,” she called, cautiously weaving herself through the bushes over towards the sound. “It’s uh, Lulu.”

She was met with silence.

Then a head peeked around the tree in front of her, and she slowed to a stop. Taako looked as though he had been crying for a while, his braid a bit frazzled from running all the way to the forest and him resting against the tree. Now that Lup knew he used an illusion, she could see the spell clearly. Oh Queen, she was an idiot.

Taako disappeared back behind the tree, and she heard talking as she continued making her way over. “Yeah Ango, I gotta go. Thanks for telling me all about that streamer fiasco. Yeah. Bye bubelah.”

She rounded the tree, looking down at Taako with a frown. There was dirt all over his pants, and he wasn’t even trying to smile to play off what he had done. She had to be careful about this.

Lup cleared her throat. “I  - ” _I know why you ran off, and it’s okay._ That’s what she wanted to say. She knew why he was upset. But he never even told her.

An ugly feeling curled in her stomach. She understood. And she was _pissed._

“When were you gonna fuckin’ tell me about what happened to you in Wonderland?,” she snapped instead, causing Taako’s eyes to grow wide in shock. That was clearly not what he was expecting. “I’m your sister Taako! I had to hear about your life from Mister Death back there, and I felt so _shitty_ at the thought that you couldn’t even trust me with that!”

Taako’s eyes shone slightly as tears formed in them again, and he hung his head in silence as she continued.

That just made her more frustrated. “Look bro-bro, I love you, but you can’t just run off like that and expect me to not freak out. You dropped a plate.” She looked at his foot, groaning. “And your foot is bleeding? What the hell!”

He mumbled something under his breath. Lup huffed. She didn’t have time for this.

“Is there a reason you hid this from me?,” she pressed, taking a step forward and putting a hand to her heart. “You have people that love you Taako, but we can’t help you if you’re going to do shit like this!”

That was what seemed to make him snap. Taako quickly got to his feet, tears falling down his face as he glared at her. “What was the fucking _point?,”_ he screamed, voice so loud it broke. “You guys all want Taako with no problems! Taako with all his shit together! I’m not - ” He took a moment to catch his breath, stepping forward and jutting his finger into Lup’s chest.

“You were _gone!_ I’m not required to tell you jack _shit._ ”

Lup froze, staring at her brother as he wiped the tears from his eyes, a snarl on his face. “Taako  - ”

“You wanna see?,” he spat, pulling his hands back as though he had been burned. “Here you go sis! Drink it in!” The illusion fell from his face, revealing that his hair indeed glowed less. His lips were a little chapped, his dark circles accentuated with the tears on his face. “This is what you were missing. You happy now?”

Taako stood there, his breathing labored. His whole body was tense, waiting for a response, fury and fear and pain flashing across his face as Lup just… processed.

He was right. “I _was_ gone,” she whispered, gaze flickering across his face. “I missed so much time. I guess I just - ” Time was difficult to understand. “I just forgot that you were gonna move on and change without me. Because you’re right Taako. I wasn’t there.”

Lup and Taako had lived together for such a long time, it was hard to actually notice the changes in one another. Even when Lup began her transition, Taako just saw the same Lup he had been growing up with the whole time, as though she had always been her dream self in his eyes. Taako quickly adjusted to Lup falling in love with Barry, and after some convincing, to her becoming a lich. Lup didn’t even bat an eye at Taako’s preference for men, or when he told her in the dark of his room one night while warm with booze that he dreamed of marrying Kravitz one day.

Sure, they had been separated multiple times over their century-long journey. Lup died in one of the earlier cycles within the first couple weeks. Taako died the day before Lup’s birthday one year. They had held each other in their arms, told each other that they’d see them on the other side, and slip into temporary death.

They knew the longest they’d be apart from each other was a year, and that was something they could deal with.

But Lup truly didn’t mean to be gone for as long as she had been when she left that note. It wasn’t like she _planned_ to die and be sucked up by her own weapon, but she was. And now she didn’t even know how to tell Taako had changed, keeping the image of him from the last she saw him fresh in her mind, and assuming he was fine.

This _sucked._

“I’m here now though,” Lup finished, looking anywhere but at Taako, hands firmly planted on her hips. “And I don’t plan on leaving you ever again. So you _better_ start telling me shit like this.”

That seemed to get through to him, and Lup watched as Taako’s face crumpled, not afraid of showing her his raw emotions as the real him. “So – so you’re okay with me not looking the way I did?,” he croaked. Lup simply nodded.

“I’d be fine even if you suddenly cut off all your hair, wore baggy neon yellow cargo pants, and started calling yourself Justin.” Taako began to laugh, all snot and tears. “Actually no, that’s a terrible combination – please don’t _ever_ wear those pants - ”

Taako took a step forward as his laugh began to die, looking exhausted, and Lup cautiously held her arms open. “Come here you snotbucket,” she snorted, and Taako quickly closed the gap between them to rest his head on her shoulder and wrap his arms around her tight. His breathing was shaky as she gently held him there.

“I’m fine with the nicknames and everything,” he whispered, squeezing his arms around her for a second. “Just maybe… hold off on the jokes and stuff for a while.”

“I can do that,” Lup said too quickly, her fingers grasping at the back of his shirt a bit as though he was going to disappear. “I’ll stop the petty insults and jokes, and you tell me whenever something is bothering you. I want to be a part of your life again Koko, and that means trusting me.”

Taako buried his face in her shoulder, not even minding that he was getting snot and the last of his tears on her dress. He mumbled something that Lup couldn’t hear again, and she sighed. “I can’t understand you when you mumble like that.” His grip on her loosened, and he pulled himself away from her.

He looked like a mess, and while it made Lup’s chest hurt, she somehow felt relieved. “I said thank you,” he grumbled, blowing the stray curl Kravitz talked about away from his face. “Please don’t make me say it a third time, it’s embarrassing.” Lup smiled, and reached forward to softly punch him in the shoulder.

“You got it.”

They stood there for another couple minutes, breathing in the chilly night air as Taako took his time to relax. He wiped at his face, then tried to brush the dirt off his pants, scowling. “Damn, I liked this pair. Good thing I can just prestidigitate it away.” He didn’t make any move to though, and looked down at his feet.

“I didn’t even realize I stepped in glass,” he winced, putting a hand on Lup’s shoulder to balance himself as he reached down and quickly pulled the piece out. “I’ll have to deep clean that when we get back.” He flicked the glass away from him, letting it fly into the bushes somewhere.

Right. They were still in the forest.  

“Should we go back? I don’t want them to be worrying about us.”

Lup shrugged. “We don’t have to. When I left, Kravitz was letting Barry help him finish off that bottle of wine you had out.” Taako raised a brow at that, his lips slowly curling up into a smirk.

“So you’re saying you left Barry – your Barold – home alone with my _dashing_ reaper boyfriend, who can’t get drunk, while he’s in his human body.” Lup paused, remembering how Taako had told her all about the fully stocked wine rack in one of the cabinets when he had first moved in. That bottle of red was definitely not the only bottle of wine there.

They looked at each other for a moment before breaking into giggles, Taako genuinely looking ecstatic for the first time that night. “Oh _Queen_ , he’s gonna be so drunk,” Lup giggled, slinging an arm around Taako’s neck. “Maybe we should go back before he starts doing party tricks again - ”

Party tricks being getting up on the couch and attempting to do a backflip. Or trying to phase through a wall even though he wasn’t in his lich form. Or cutting a portal open and falling down face first in front of the Raven Queen’s throne, then not getting up.

Lup met Taako’s eyes for a moment as they laughed again, making sure he was alright with leaving the forest already. He just smiled at her, looking tired and worn out, but unmistakably Taako.

She slid her hand into his, pulling him along as they began to make their way out of the forest. They walked in silence, but she could tell Taako was content. Whenever she stole side glances at him, she could visibly see that he looked better with that weight lifted off his shoulders. They made a pit stop so she could grab her shoes, opting to tuck them under her arm and walk back with him barefoot.

They were quiet until they got to his front door, Taako letting go of her hand and taking another deep breath before opening the door.

As they stepped over the threshold, Lup realized he didn’t have his illusion up.

Barry and Kravitz were still sitting at the dinner table, two empty bottles of wine in front of them with a half empty one in front of Kravitz. Barry’s face was flushed from both the alcohol and laughter as he reacted to something the other man had said, leaning back in his chair and almost spilling the wine from his glass.

Kravitz had taken off his suit jacket and vest, the sleeves of his dark red dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. His shoes were sitting off the side, and his legs were propped up on one of the empty chairs. At the sound of the door opening, he leaned his head back to look at the twins as they walked in, smiling softly. Lup set her shoes down at the doorway. Taako awkwardly smiled.

“I knew you’d be alright,” he mused, taking a long sip from his glass. Whether he was talking about Taako or Lup, they couldn’t tell. Maybe both of them.

His eyes flickered up to Taako, looking him up and down frantically for a moment as though to confirm for _himself_ that his boyfriend was okay. Lup admired that. Kravitz was definitely a keeper.

“I’m okay babe.” Taako made his way over to the table, and Kravitz immediately moved his legs off the chair next to him so he could sit. He slid into the chair, leaning over to press a chaste kiss to Kravitz’s lips. “I didn’t mean to scare you. We cool?”

“We’re cool.”

Lup moved to Barry, grabbing his glass of wine and downing its contents. He squawked in protest, trying to pull her arm down to no avail. “Luuup that’s no fair,” he whined, watching as Lup set the now-empty glass down on the table.

“You’re drunk hun.” She ruffled his hair with her hand, turning to face Kravitz and Taako. “I’m gonna take this dork home before he does anything stupid. I think you’d like some time to relax too, right?” She looked at Taako as she spoke, trying to get her message across. Taako blinked up at her, showing he understood.

Barry reluctantly got out of his chair, placing a hand on the small of Lup’s back and leaning against her. “I can’t really say tonight was fun, but it was definitely an experience,” she said, voice serious. “Next time I’ll cook for you guys.”

Kravitz grinned. “I’ll take you up on that offer,” he cooed, looking pleased at the thought of trying the other twin’s cooking as well. Taako bit his lip, looking a little nervous as he fiddled with the hem of his blouse.

“Will uh…” He reached up and wrapped his fingers around his stone of farspeech. “Do you want to hang out some time next week? I know we spent all last year catching up but uh, maybe this time we can _really_ catch up?” Lup lit up, nodding excitedly.

“I’ll call you bub,” she beamed, pulling out her own stone and waving it around a bit. Taako dropped his hand at that, looking relieved.

It took a while to actually get Barry out the door, Lup practically shoving him after she slid her shoes on. Taako and Kravitz simply watched in amusement, the latter casually running his fingers through the elf’s hair as the door finally latched shut.

Lup called her brother a couple days later, smiling as she heard him lecturing Angus about nearly setting his kitchen on fire, and knew he’d be okay.

They set up a day for Taako to show her the market in town, and she was pleasantly surprised to see him show up with no illusion, even if his hair was loose around his face rather than pulled back.

It was going to take time for him to tie his hair back and show off his face with no illusion, to be himself freely all the time. Lup watched him excitedly buy a crate of peaches from one of the stands in the market, beaming as he chattered about all the things he could bake and cook with the fruit.

She was perfectly happy with this, and didn’t mind waiting.

After all, they now had all the time in the world, and she didn’t plan on wasting it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally going to write a piece for Kravitz along with this, but it wasn't very long and was kind of choppy and self-indulgent haha! So I decided to not post it, my apologies. I hope you all liked this though! I have a big long-term project fic that I'm working on that will be much longer and more detailed than this, and in a completely different direction. Stay tuned <3


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